A Baker's 6-Pack Of Plays (7-10 Minute plays) Read online

 A BAKER’S 6-PACK OF PLAYS

  JOHN MUIR

  Copyright John Robert Muir 2015. John Robert Muir asserts the legal and moral rights to be identified as the author of this work.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written consent and permission of the publisher.

  DISCLAIMER:

  These plays are works of fiction. The names and characters are from the imagination of the author and any resemblance to any persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental. If you think the author has written about you, your ego is greater than your imagination or common sense.

  LICENCE

  Thank you for downloading this ebook. It remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied, and distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favourite retailer, where they can also discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

  NOTICES

  Downloading or purchasing these plays does not give permission or any right to perform these plays, individually or collectively, for any film, television, or public performance, without the approval of the author.

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  The author and publisher wish to thank the many individuals for ideas, inspiration, editing, encouragement and support.

  Published in EBooks 2015

  EBooks ISBN:

  AUTHORS NOTE

  This collection of plays is mostly adapted from some of my short stories. In adapting them as stage plays, I have kept, in the main, to the theme of the original story, but have added significant amounts of conversation between the characters.

  *****

  INDEX

  PLAY

  BRAZIL

  RING, RING

  CLUB CHAMPIONSHIP

  A HORSE'S TALE

  TECHNOLOGY FOR THE ELDERLY

  MEETING POINT-Version 1 (Unaware)

  MEETING POINT-Version 2 (Aware)

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  *****

  BRAZIL-THE PLAY

  CAST:

  - Grandma (Mabel) 70+yo,

  - Grandpa (Claude) 70+yo,

  - Neville (a visiting grandson, mid-late 20’s)

  LOCATION: roof covered outdoor sun deck/terrace.

  PROPS: Two old lounge chairs separated by a small square coffee/tea table.

  TIME OF DAY: Early afternoon, bright sunny day.

  -----

  GRANDMA and NEVILLE (emerge onto the covered sundeck.)

  GRANDPA (is already seated in his lounge chair and ignores their arrival.)

  GRANDMA. Here we are Neville. Sit out here with Grandpa and enjoy the sun while I get some more party things organized. The grumpy old deaf bugger won’t annoy you. With his Alzheimer’s, he won’t remember you. If he’s off in his dream world he probably won’t even know you’re there.

  NEVILLE. That’s O.K. Gran. Just call out when you need my help.

  GRANDMA. Thanks for coming early. But I’ve decided that we’d all eat inside; so I won’t need you to lift the table outside.

  NEVILLE. That’s O.K. Gran. I see he’s still got his favourite old chair.

  GRANDMA. Oh, Neville. Don’t remind me. Sometimes I feel ashamed. It should’ve been thrown away 15 years ago. When we got the new lounge suite, he wanted to keep his chair for the terrace. He said if it went, so would he. I should’ve thrown him out with the other useless junk. At least the other chair, my one, is newer.

  NEVILLE. It’s lasted a long time. I remember it was outside even before I started high school.

  GRANDMA. The terrace roof has protected it from the rain all these years.

  NEVILLE. How’s he been?

  GRANDMA. Very well. He talks when he wants to, but it’s rare. His Alzheimer’s is embarrassing when we have guests. Sometimes it’s worse than others. He doesn’t remember any of my friends; or many of his relations. And when they try to tell him who they are, he can’t hear them, so eventually they give up.

  NEVILLE. Don’t worry Gran. I’ll just soak up some rays. Just call out if you need me.

  GRANDMA (heads offstage through the door.)

  NEVILLE (seats himself in the unoccupied chair on the terrace.)

  GRANDPA (looks across, and nods at Neville.)

  NEVILLE (acknowledges the nod with one of his own.)

  GRANDPA (returns to gazing into the distance.)

  NEVILLE (looks around, including at Grandpa several times. Finally, he settles back, legs outstretched, hands locked behind his head.)

  (The situation continues in silence for a few seconds.)

  GRANDPA. (sits forward, looks left and right along the terrace. Then he sits back again.)

 

  GRANDPA. Brazil.

  NEVILLE. (sits forward suddenly in surprise.)

  What?

  GRANDPA. (sits forward again, repeats his look left and right along the terrace. He then leans back on his sofa recliner)

  Brazil.

  NEVILLE. (staring at Grandpa in surprise.)

  What about Brazil, Grandpa?

  NEVILLE and GRANDPA (In unison, sit forward again. Both look left and right along the deck again.)

  GRANDPA, (apparently satisfied with what he saw, sits back first, puts his hands behind his neck and locks his fingers.)

  NEVILLE (sits back.)

  GRANDPA. Should be the world’s wealthiest nation.

  NEVILLE. Grandpa, I haven’t heard you speak in over ten years. Do you want me to get Grandma?

  GRANDPA. Not if you want to live.

  NEVILLE. But you’ve been deaf for over 15 years. Have you got a hearing aid now?

  GRANDPA. What for? I don’t wanna look like I’ve got a big fat boil growing out of my ears. I don’t need no hearin’ aid.

  NEVILLE. Sorry. It was just a bit of a surprise.

  GRANDPA. You’ll learn soon enough, everything is not as it appears.

  NEVILLE. Sounds like wise words.

  (he scratches his head briefly as if a little confused.)

  Why should Brazil be so wealthy?

  GRANDPA. It’s got it all. Gold, oil, precious gems.

  NEVILLE. Why isn’t it then?

  GRANDPA. Would be if it weren’t run by a bunch of idiots.

  NEVILLE. What’s so special about it?

  GRANDPA. Its rain forests supply a third of the world’s supply of oxygen; stupidly, they’re giving it away for free!

  NEVILLE. Obviously you’re not lip-reading from this angle. So, you’re not deaf Grandpa. Have you ever been deaf?

  GRANDPA. Course I’m not deaf! Never have been. And you young Neville better keep your mouth shut about it too.

  NEVILLE. What about Grandma?

  GRANDPA. You don’t have to live with her. She’s the main reasons I want to be deaf. She’s like a 24 hour, non-stop, talk-back radio show that you can’t turn off. Now, she just stands at the sink, talking away to herself. She doesn’t bother cursing me under her breath. She lets it all hang out, as loud as she wants. Doesn’t think I can hear a word she’s saying. Maybe you’ll understand when you get old like me. Yep, you just start to switch off from all the lip-flap, and they presume you’re losing your hearing.

  NEVILLE. Does anyone else know you’re not deaf?

  GRANDPA. Just some very few.

  NEVILLE. What about the Alzheimer’s then?

  GRANDPA. Think about it boy. Haven’t you met enough fools yet to know you can’t be bothered remembering them
, let alone talk to them? Deafness and Alzheimer’s fixes both those problems.

  GRANDMA. (steps onto the decking and stands in front of Grandpa. She exaggeratedly mouths the words and mimes putting a cup to her mouth.)

  Cuppa tea?

  GRANDPA (seemingly lip-reads, and nods.)

  GRANDMA. (Looks at Neville.)

  What about you Neville? Tea or coffee?

  NEVILLE. Coffee thanks Gran. Milk and one sugar.

  GRANDMA. You know the stubborn old bugger won’t let me take him to get his hearing checked. I’d like him to get one of those really good hearing-aids. You know, some of my friends, well, their husbands have got them. Now they can talk to their husband’s any time. Whereas this old bugger just sits there. No sense talking to him. He’s beyond reasoning.

  GRANDMA (throws a look of daggers at Grandpa as she walks inside.)

  NEVILLE and GRANDPA (In unison, both sit forward to check Grandma has fully departed the terrace, then, sit back.)

  NEVILLE. Haven’t there ever been times you’ve felt guilty and think you should suddenly recover your hearing?

  GRANDPA. C’mon. I might be old but I’m not stupid. I’ve learned a thing or two in my lifetime. Sometimes the benefits far outweigh the occasional disadvantages. You heard what she said. The weak dominated husbands, with their hearing-aids, still get lip-flap all the time. I don’t. You know why? She thinks I’m deaf and can’t hear her, so she doesn’t waste her time, except to swear at me about something that she thinks I can’t hear. If I want to go out, I do. She knows it’s no good arguing if I can’t hear her.

  NEVILLE (nods as if understanding.)

  GRANDPA. Sometimes it’s a bit annoying when I’m watching sport on the TV and she turns the sound down because I don’t need it.

  NEVILLE. Who else knows you’re not deaf?

  GRANDPA. All my other deaf mates at the club. Twice a week I go there to play cards and have a few drinks with them. Or we all meet up to watch a big game on the big screen at the club. It’s great without nagging wives ruining it all.

  GRANDMA. (returns carrying Grandpa’s cup and saucer of tea, and Neville’s coffee in a mug. She places them on the table.)

 

  GRANDMA. I could’ve sworn I heard voices talking.

  NEVILLE. Nah. Just me singing to myself.

  GRANDMA. Such a pity Grandpa can’t hear you. You’ve always had such a lovely voice, even when you were little.

  (she looks at Grandpa, and nods her head vigorously)

  Look at it. Useless blob just sits there like a wobbly jelly. I’d rather have a dog for company. At least a dog pays attention and listens when you speak.

  (she mutters loud unintelligible obscenities at Grandpa and returns indoors.)

  GRANDPA and NEVILLE’S eyes follow Grandma as she returns inside.

  GRANDPA. Don’t take no offence Neville. Grandma’s tone deaf. She’s just trying to grease your wheels boy and get on your good side. You couldn’t sing for shit.

  NEVILLE. (takes a sip of his coffee, puts it back on the table and sits back in his chair. He locks his fingers together behind his neck.)

  You’re a wise and honest old man, Grandpa.

  END